When A Sail Becomes An Anchor
Many of us become supports to others due to our sturdiness, also known as “stubbornness.” Last week I introduced you to my greatest strength and weakness, and this week I’m sharing a bit about where that comes from.
I’ve always tried my best to be “a good daughter.” I was quiet and compliant, and I tried my best to get good grades, and play every note right on the violin. Putting myself on the back burner is likely a big part of why I became a therapist, and how I got to be good at attuning to others’ needs in sessions.
But when this sail becomes an anchor, the ship can go down alarmingly fast. Suddenly, we’re taking in water and fighting to make it through the day. The very strength that makes us thrive and love our jobs can quickly become an exhausting performance of competence.
Let’s do a quick vitals check. Where are you on the sturdiness scale today?
You find yourself automatically clicking into “expert mode” before you’ve walked into the room, but you feel like you’re watching yourself from the ceiling. You’re competent, but all of you isn’t in the room. You end up feeling like a robot.
The “stubbornness” starts to lose flexibility. It’s no longer a trait you can switch on and off. It’s no longer a tool you use, but a cage you are now trapped in. You stop asking “why” and begin looking forward to getting the task or meeting “over with.” You find yourself becoming irritable or exhausted more easily. The current is still roaring, and you’re tired of standing in it.
You find yourself automatically saying “yes” to another shift or a committee seat, not because you want to, but because the thought of saying “no” or being “unreliable” feels viscerally painful. Your steadiness has become a trap of your own making.
Your body is sending signals, like tightness in the chest, a constant hum of anxiety, or “melting face” exhaustion. But because you’ve become an expert at silencing them and keep working, it’s hard to hear them. The emotions you’ve shelved are starting to show up in your body.
If any of these vitals are being flagged, know that you don’t have to double-down on the stubbornness and try to out-endure the weight on your own. There’s a way to move back toward vitality and the flexibility you once had.
We aren’t meant to stay anchors forever. If you’re tired of endurance and ready to find your sails again, I’m here to help you navigate the way back.
